Thursday, May 5, 2016

Feeling Lost Without my Companion

It has been almost a week since I had to make a choice that has broken my heart very deeply.  She was more than just a friend, she was my companion.  I loved her deeply and took care of her from the moment she first came into my life.  Our first few weeks were not easy, she came to me sick and needing someone to be there for her. I was also going through a difficult time with a move right before the holidays.

Together we made it past the first year, then she was the main source of comfort for me when my daddy went to heaven. Without her I would not have even made it through the first day of life knowing that my daddy was gone, but she never left my side and was always watching to see if I needed her to come and comfort me. We did this again when my father-in-law passed away. I could always count on her to be there for me, even before I knew I needed her.

We became extremely close with each other over the years.  She was always keeping a watchful eye out for any sign of depression or stress, and when she detected even a small amount she would reach out her little hand and place it on my leg, just to let me know she was there.  If I would start to cry over anything at all, she was quick to hug me and stay close to my lap. The only thing she ever ask for in return was that I love her, and if I didn't that was ok also for she had my back 'no matter what.'

Yes, Biscuit was a dog. However, she was not "just  a dog" as many people have been quick to tell me, as my heart has been breaking, knowing that the day was coming to put her out of her pain. It was not an easy choice and I am hoping that when I see her again on the other side of life, she will know that I did this out of love and respect for all the times she comforted me.  I could not stand to see her suffer or hurt. As many times as she had been there for me, I couldn't let her down the one time she needed me to be there for her.

My heart is broken, and my main source of comfort is not here. I will always have the memories of watching her steal the girls soccer balls to play with them, and see her bounce a basketball off the end of her nose and keep going like it was nothing. When we were in Italy watching her play with her best friend and run up and down the driveway was the best. We always told people that she could bark in two languages, English and Italian.  In fact she learned Italian better than we did!

I've had other companions in my life, but Biscuit is the one that was there for 15 years, and will always be the biggest part of my adult life. She was never my dog even from the beginning, I have always been her human. It became so evident that I even became known as Biscuit's Human in several areas of my on-line and in person life. When she first came to me as a 3 pound sick puppy, I had no idea how big she would become in my heart.

I'm hoping that she has all the basketballs she can chase and herd in heaven, and more pickles, oranges, and milkbones than she could ever want. Her paw prints will forever be in my heart. I love her forever,


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